you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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