I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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