I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
