Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Pants are for mortals
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
