No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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