Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
All the doctor said was why
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
