I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
