I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
How's work?
Spinning.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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