Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Alive.
So much puke
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
