You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
