just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
