you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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