plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
