shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
