I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
pray to the hookup gods
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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