Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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