okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
