to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
