Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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