Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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