Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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