I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
