I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
