woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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