My hair reeks of homosexuality.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
