dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
