i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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