You just made me feel so damn special
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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