just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You had me at "let me see your balls"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
