I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
