My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
