Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We had to coat check the pizza.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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