I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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