It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
