If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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