That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
