No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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