Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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