Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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