i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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