I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
