So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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