i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
