so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
