Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
