i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
