I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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