He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
