The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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