but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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