is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
